Helping Your Preteen or Teen with Body Image Issues

Listen to your child

Start by creating a safe space for your child to express how they are feeling. Let them know that you're there to listen and be supportive. And then, do just that—listen to what they have to say and offer support.

Ask open-ended questions to understand what's bothering your child and why they might be struggling with a negative body image. It’s important to acknowledge their feelings, not dismiss them away. Validating your child’s feelings shows them that you understand. And it can help them open up to you in the future.

Above all, be open and understanding. Reassure them that they are perfect just as they are. And that you love them for who they are, no matter what.

Help your child see themselves as a whole person

Focus on your child’s positive qualities, strengths, abilities, and achievements. Don’t emphasize their physical appearance. Focusing on what’s inside can help boost their self-confidence and self-worth.

• Give your child positive feedback about things that they do, and who they are inside, not how they look.

• Help your child focus on their talents, hobbies, interests, and strengths.

• Take time to be with your child and do things together that they enjoy. This could be hobbies, games, sports, or other activities.

• Talk to your child about the things that make them special. For instance, they might have a great sense of humor. Or they may be very good at math or baking. They may be a loyal friend or someone who likes to help other people.

Promote healthy habits

Help your child learn to take good care of their body by having healthy habits. Talk about how starting these habits now can lead to a lifetime of good health. These habits can include:

• Doing some kind of physical activity each day that they enjoy

• Cooking and eating healthy foods that make them feel good

• Drinking lots of water

• Getting enough sleep

• Learning how to de-stress with relaxation methods

Be a positive role model

Kids learn by example. So it’s important to show your child that you feel comfortable and positive about yourself and your own body, too. This means:

• Focusing on eating healthy and getting exercise. Don’t talk about having to diet or lose weight.

• Having hobbies and interests you enjoy

• Being positive about all of the things that a strong, healthy body can do

• Not making negative comments about how you or other people look

• Not being upset if you have gained a few pounds

• Not frowning when you look at yourself in the mirror

Talk about social media—and limit it

Kids are bombarded with unrealistic social media images every day. Help your child develop a critical eye toward how beauty is presented online. Discuss how online images are often not real—they are often highly edited to make people look “perfect.” Talk about how these beauty standards are often not attainable in real life. And how these images can make other people feel unhappy with their own looks.

It’s helpful to limit your child’s time on social media. You can also encourage them to follow social media accounts that don’t focus on physical looks. Or accounts that offer a positive view of body acceptance and body diversity.

Address bullying right away

Bullying, both online and in person, can deeply affect a child's self-esteem. If your child is facing bullying or other negative influences, address the situation right away. Talk to their school authorities, teachers, or the parents of the other kids who are involved. Make sure that your child knows that they deserve respect and kindness.

When to contact your child's doctor

It’s normal for preteens and teens to think about their appearance. As long as this does not get in the way of their friendships or activities, this is fine. But watch out for signs that this is causing your child stress or anxiety. Contact your child’s doctor if you see that your child is:

• Not wanting to see friends or take part in activities

• Sleeping more or less than normal

• Spending a lot of time alone

• Focusing on certain parts of their body

• Always comparing themselves negatively to other people

• Being very critical about how they look

• Not wanting to go anywhere because of how they look

• Spending time looking in the mirror or taking selfie pictures

• Talking about wishing they could have surgery to look better

Get professional help, if needed

If your child's body image issues are significantly affecting their well-being and daily life, they may need professional help. A mental health provider, such as a therapist or counselor, can provide specialized support and guidance. They may use therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help your child challenge negative thought patterns and build a healthier body image.

Talk with your child’s doctor first and see if they can refer you to a mental health provider in your area.